Guest Blog by Cathy sOMMERVILLE, lEARNING & DEVELOPMENT ADVISOR, oNEuPoNEdOWN
Foreword, by Natalie Robinson, Co-Founder OneUpOneDown
Cathy was my first official mentor, and she taught me many profound lessons. One of the most impactful was understanding the difference between apologising and asking for forgiveness. I used to over-apologise—saying sorry for things that didn’t require an apology and carrying guilt in situations when it wasn’t necessary or helpful to anyone. Cathy helped me to see this pattern.
This was something she had learned from her own mentor. This wisdom forms the foundation of the story and article Cathy has shared here.
Thank you, Cathy, for your guidance and the inspiration you’ve given me and so many other women. Your mentorship has created ripples of positive change, and I am deeply grateful.
Forgiveness is a concept we often take for granted, a word tossed into conversations and apologies without much thought. Yet, in my mentorship journey, I encountered a perspective on forgiveness that completely reframed how I understood it. It came from a mentor who, through a single interaction, taught me that forgiveness is much deeper than just saying, “I’m sorry.” This is the story of that meeting and the lessons it left behind.
A Lesson in Grace
“I’m sorry I’m late,” I stammered, my face flushed from rushing to meet my mentor. The meeting had been scheduled for 5:00 p.m., and it was now 5:30. Anxiety bubbled inside me as I approached her table. Her calm demeanour stood in stark contrast to my frazzled state. She was seated by the window, glass of wine in hand, unbothered by my tardiness. Her phone sat face down, untouched, signalling she hadn’t even seen my frantic texts.
I apologised profusely, expecting a stern look or a rebuke. Instead, she offered a gentle but firm statement: “Next time, I won’t wait.”
Her words were fair, but what followed was unexpected. With a half-smile, she said, “I don’t accept your apology. Your behaviour is forgiven, though.”
The statement confused me. Forgiven but not accepted? My curiosity outweighed my embarrassment, and I asked her what she meant.
She leaned forward, her voice soft but resolute. “There’s a difference between saying ‘sorry’ and asking for forgiveness. When you say ‘sorry,’ you’re simply expressing regret. But when you ask for forgiveness, you’re acknowledging the impact of your actions and taking responsibility for them.”
Her words lingered in my mind long after we left the cafe. She wasn’t dismissing my apology; she was elevating the act of reconciliation to something more meaningful. Forgiveness, I learned that day, isn’t just about smoothing things over—it’s about owning your behaviour and allowing for deeper healing.
The Three Lessons of Forgiveness
As I reflected on her wisdom, I began to incorporate her teachings into my interactions. Instead of hurried apologies, I started asking for forgiveness and exploring what that truly meant. Through this process, I uncovered three key lessons:
1. Forgiveness Is a Choice
Whether you’re asking for it or offering it, forgiveness requires intentionality. It’s a deliberate act of vulnerability and compassion. Asking for forgiveness means allowing others the space to process and decide. Offering it means letting go of resentment to make room for understanding.
2. Responsibility Over Regret
Apologies often focus on regret—“I’m sorry I was late”—but forgiveness demands responsibility. It’s about saying, “I recognise how my actions affected you, and I take ownership of that.” Responsibility transforms regret into accountability and strengthens relationships.
3. Forgiveness is freeing
Forgiveness is as much about the forgiver as it is about the forgiven. When we ask for or offer forgiveness, we free ourselves from guilt, anger, and resentment. It opens doors to healing and growth, creating space for stronger, more authentic connections.
Moving Forward with Forgiveness
The lessons my mentor shared have stayed with me, influencing how I navigate personal and professional relationships. Forgiveness, I’ve realised, is a tool for transformation. It’s not always easy, and it’s rarely comfortable, but it’s always worth it.
Whether we’re the ones asking or the ones offering, forgiveness is an act of grace. It’s about more than words; it’s about taking responsibility, letting go, and choosing connection over conflict. As my mentor reminded me, forgiveness isn’t just a gift we give others—it’s a gift we give ourselves.
Let’s stop being sorry and start being responsible. In doing so, we unlock the true power of forgiveness: the ability to heal, grow, and connect with those around us.
Author:
Broker Manager Coldwell Banker Palo Alto-Menlo Park-Portola Valley Northern California| Career Development Specialist | TEDx Speaker | Key Note Presenter | Advisor to OneUpOneDown
GET GROWING THROUGH MENTORSHIP
Join our monthly newsletter to get updated on mentorship opportunities and actionable insights to learn and grow through relationships.
Follow OneUpOneDown on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram to stay tuned with the latest news.